Who thinks healing is easy?

Right now, in a world where social media runs supreme, spirituality has become a fad. Look through IG, Facebook or TikTok and you see an array of aesthetics that probably make you feel like you don’t know what you’re doing. Cheat code – None of us do. All the smoke and mirrors with the bullshit quotes & memes. Be love and light and all the things. I’ve scrolled myself to sleep like many reading this, so zero judgment here. My point with this is, most people focus on the light and not on the shadow. But how can you heal and be your brightest light if you’re not looking deep within yourself at your own traumas? Where is the self-accountability? Where’s the social media content on that? Now, I know there are social media accounts that DO point out the shadow. My opinion is they aren’t popular, and the algorithms prevent you from seeing anything that’s not society’s hot spot.

Can we talk about real healing? I’m talking about the snot inducing ugly cry you have when you just can’t take your shit anymore and you want to know: WHY? WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME? WHY… fill in your why here. Where is the community gathering to talk about hard topics like losing someone close to you? Whether it be death, betrayal or outgrowing your current environment. Better yet – Does anyone have a definitive way on how to let go?

Let me introduce myself. I’m Taryn. I started on my spiritual awakening in earnest about 5 years ago. I think I started to wake up a year or two before that, but I was so afraid of what I was seeing, I kept my head down for a little bit longer. I’ll start by saying I am a neglected child, byproduct of having a mentally ill mother and a father with addictions. I have a younger sister and for a long time the trauma separated us instead of binding us together. I now have 2 children of my own: 14 year old girl and 12 year old boy. I’m raising these children while I’m healing the child in me. Isn’t that mind blowing? I’ve come to the point in my journey where I can say this and mean it – my parents did the best they could. They came from even worse settings. In my opinion, they triumphed because they gave my sister and I more than they ever had. But that doesn’t mean my childhood didn’t suck. That my inner child doesn’t have feelings about what she had to endure. I have unresolved traumas that I continue to work through. All of these cycles we’re being told to break – it can take generations. You can’t break everything by yourself. You’re not meant to. The last 5 years have been eye opening. Brutal at times. While the things that happened when I was younger were not within my control, I had to take responsibility for where I went with it all as an adult. The relationships I developed because of it; the codependency, insecurities, jealousy were hard pills to swallow. These were all direct mirrors of myself. All these nasty feelings no one ever admits to having. I had no one giving me a safe space for my feelings – we’re automatically taught to shame ourselves for feeling this way. That shame helped me develop some addictions of my own to escape the shitty reality I lived in and to determine talking about feelings was bad. I put up this massive shield to protect myself from the world of hurt I was living in. What I’ve learned on my healing journey is that shield is my shadow.

Welcome to my blog/forum (Deep Waters). My goal here is to create a safe space for those in the community who are ready to face their shadow, heal and love themselves. I’m honored to serve my community in this space and I’m looking forward to hearing your voice. When the download hits, I’ll be writing about a topic I’m dealing with myself. Let’s get into the hard feelings we need help processing through but feel like we can’t talk to anyone about because they’ll look at us different. Open throat chakra anyone? If we can bring this darkness out and give it the sacred space it needs and deserves, we can appreciate our light more and live in a balance of both. Imagine how much lighter that feels.

Have you sat with your shadow? Really looked at how they look and feel?  If not, are you ready to? Are you willing to acknowledge the dark parts of yourself so you can determine where they come from to heal and let go? That’s what healing REALLY IS. Integration. Pulling together all these pieces of yourself and loving every single part of you. The dark and the light. And that shit – that is NOT easy. Healing is NOT easy. Nor is it linear. There are days where we want to give up, days we want to fight instead of make peace and days we want to cry. This is a non-judgment, safe community space for you to talk about those days.

That shadow Taryn? She protected me when I was too weak to protect and speak up for myself. She’s a big part of why I’m sitting in this chair right now typing this. I love her so much and I’m grateful for her getting us so far. My goal is for you to feel the same about yours.

Always love, Taryn