You know, I never considered myself a writer. I’ve always liked to write, did creative writing classes and things like that in school, but I never pursued it. Now here I am with this blog. Go figure.

I’ve been sitting with a blog post for a few days now. My writing process is more like downloads. I start getting the idea for a post a few days before I actually sit down and write it. I write whatever comes and then I go back and edit. Most times, it turns out a bit different then what I thought it would look like but still with the same message. I’ve felt this one brewing for a bit now… and as I sit at my computer at 6:30 in the morning, I’m curious to see what the end result looks like.

Authenticity. What does that mean to you when you hear that word? The definition of authentic is this: of undisputed origin; genuine. Made or done in the traditional or original way. Based on facts; accurate or reliable.

How about Healing? What comes to mind when you hear that word? Websters definition is: the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again.

So, why do I heal? What am I looking for? Why do I write these blog posts and why am I doing what I’m doing?

This journey has brought me back to my authentic self. The real me. The core of who I am. I could say it a thousand different ways I’m sure and they all mean the same thing. I was brought home to ME. We wear masks every single day when we walk out of our doors to face the real world. I mentioned this in one of my earlier blog posts. Whether it’s the way you style yourself (hair, clothes, make up and accessories) your attitude, your demeanor. We act accordingly for whatever that day brings us.  I got so tired of faking the funk that I put it all down and looked hard at myself. Who am I? Maybe more importantly: who did I become while hiding away? Deeper still: What caused me to hide away?

You know what’s crazy? The realization I’ve had that hit like a freight train? There will always be people who don’t like me. They won’t like parts of me, what I represent to them, what I trigger in them. My ego wants me to flip out over this. Instead, I’m finally saying that’s okay and meaning it. There is no judgment and insecurity. Sometimes things just don’t fit. In a healing session the other day, when I said my big 3: Aquarius, Aries, Aries I was met with a laugh and told I am meant to trigger people. Yay! Lucky me! So I’m going to deal with this for the rest of my life too. I am not for everyone. My content is not for everyone. And that’s … okay.

You know how I know this healing path is working for me? I’m no longer internalizing what I did wrong if I’m not accepted. I’m no longer becoming a chameleon to change into something that pleases other people. There’s no need to overexplain myself to justify what I am doing. While I sit up some nights thinking some things over, my ego no longer runs the show. I have learned techniques to help quiet my mind and I am more centered and sure of myself then I have ever been. I was reminded in the same healing session I mentioned above – that is doing the actual work. The journaling, meditating, walking in nature, salt baths, hell creating content for my business; these are a few things that bring me peace and keep me out of my head.

Shadow work isn’t about ripping open an old wound and dwelling in it. It’s about recognizing your toxic patterns and triggers, figuring out where that came from and healing that broken piece of you so your trigger doesn’t run you anymore. The end goal is to stop bleeding your traumas all over other people and stop projecting your wounds. That takes a serious amount of accountability, patience and grace.

Am I completely healed right now? No.  Will I continue to face certain triggers for the rest of my life? Yes.

I could stop my business tomorrow and would still be doing this work.

No healer has it all together. No person is completely healed in this lifetime. We’re all here to live out the lives we chose when we wanted to come on this earth. Some people will ascend. Some will stand still and some will descend (also another earlier blog post) Healers are a part of that too. We are not an elite group of people better than everyone else. It’s the exact opposite actually. We are just like everyone else. The point of a healer is to give you a safe space and trust that they will help guide you in the right direction. A true healer is not actually healing you. We don’t have a magic potion to fix all your problems for you. We give you the space and teach you how to heal yourself… most times through the experiences we’ve had healing ourselves. Sure, we can be trained and certified in different modalities of healing, but how many times have you met someone with a ton of certifications who has no real value to give you? You can read books on your own. Train yourself. Most times what we’re looking for are people who understand. Who are doing the work. Who have gone through things similar to us and gotten through it. 

If you’re looking for someone who has all their shit together – let me know when you find them. I’d love to ask them a few questions. Until then, I’ll be sitting here in my human self. Making mistakes, learning from them and giving myself the grace to understand and then pivot. Pivot into a different way of reacting. Pivot into loving myself more.

I’m excited to see what the coming years bring. I will always evolve and so will the work I do. For others and for myself. Right now, I feel like a Phoenix rising from her ashes. I spent a lot of time over the past years healing and burning away some parts of me that weren’t on solid ground. It’s not that I didn’t like that person at her core. I still AM that person. I just healed certain parts that no longer serve me. I don’t need this shell to protect me anymore – I can protect myself just fine. Now I’m rising into this beautiful version of myself who is free from the matrix/society. Free from the shoulds, supposed tos and expectations.

2023, I RISE.

I wish you all a happy and healthy new year. I appreciate every single one of you for reading my words. I hope that when you read them, you leave feeling good about yourself and you see a peer among you who’s finding her way just like you.

There will always be a safe space here. Free of judgements, free of charge.

Always love,

T