Have you ever gotten that sense of déjà vu? You know you have done something before and now you seem to be repeating it again. Sometimes you may not be able to place it in this lifetime, and sometimes you can place it to something that recently happened. Maybe it’s a situation that happened a decade or more ago and now you’re seeing it come up again when you’re older. Either way, you’re repeating a cycle. I was writing in my journal this morning and one of the revelations I had: “Different cycles are repeating again. I want to ask – what am I not seeing?”

For the last two years, I have been on a kick of not repeating the same cycle. I wanted to make sure I got myself off the current hamster wheel that I was on and move onto something completely new. I thought I had conquered a lesson and it was time for another one. I suppose that on some level, I was successful with that because there are certain things in my life that have changed. My ego must have taken that to believe that I would be starting everything brand new, but of course the universe laughed as I moved from one hamster wheel over to another.

I’ve seen it for months now, the cycle that I’m repeating this time around. I didn’t want to face it because I was so sure I was done with these repetitions. This morning on my walk, I was open and honest with myself and allowed the truth to just sink in. I felt it go through my entire energy body and could no longer deny it. There were a range of emotions that I felt, but the strongest was disappointment. Why? Well, I had been looking at these cycle repetitions as if I was failing a class. Why do I need to go through things 2, 3 sometimes 4 times without learning the lesson? Am I a bad student? I realized, because I had been holding onto these judgments of myself it had been holding me back from seeing the next part of the lesson. While I know that certain things need to be learned in levels, I had assumed I had mastered a level and would be moving on. I’m literally shaking my head at myself as I type this.

Taryn, there is still so much to be learned.

Another message I have been getting from the universe and my higher self is to slow down. Just take things slow, one at a time. Put those two things together and I’ve found the reason I’m repeating certain cycles. I’m trying to go through some of these lessons too fast with my eyes on the next level before I have even conquered the one I’m on. My eagerness to move on is motivated by my lack of courage to sit in the current feelings I’m having. While I pride myself in shadow work, it’s still hard to acknowledge hard parts of yourself. To mourn who you used to be, while you blossom into who you are becoming. In having a conversation with my daughter yesterday, she said something profound that has stuck with me, turning in my mind on a movie reel over and over. She said, “Mom, maybe you were going to do something too soon. Like if you went through with *something that was delayed* it would have spoiled the surprise. You aren’t meant to know it yet.” She’s 15 and so incredibly smart and intuitive. It also helped flipped my perspective on how I look at these levels I’m working through. As if the universe wanted to double down on this message from my daughter, one of the books I’ve been reading lately is “The Three Waves of Volunteers and the New Earth” by Dolores Cannon. It covers past life regressions she had done that centered around the New Earth and people finding out why they have come to Earth. One of the main messages that I have taken away from the book (and I’m about halfway through it) is that we are given knowledge when we need it and it’s time. We often press for more, wanting to know the whole picture but sometimes it’s too vast for where we are in our progression at that moment so we can’t know more, or it will spoil everything. This is where surrender comes in. Letting go and free falling knowing that at some point, it’s all going to make sense. When the time is right.

You know being awake is not an east task. We straddle one foot in the matrix, because 3D life is something that we came here to experience, and the other foot is in the 5D knowing that our existence is so much bigger than this blip of time on earth. If Earth is a school like I believe it to be, and we’re meant to learn certain lessons, getting the answers too early would be like cheating on a test. How can the curriculum really be absorbed if we already have all the answers?  It would defeat the purpose of what we’re here to learn. Hence the repetitions.

I think part of the reason I’m in a rush is because I’m looking at time all wrong. I feel like it goes so fast – hello, it’s August already – and I won’t have enough time to accomplish everything I need to do. In reality, it’s not the timeframe, it’s the way I’m rushing through that causes me to learn at a slower pace. How crazy is that to say? Going fast is slowing me down. It’s an oxymoron if I ever heard one, but it makes total sense to me now. Slowing down is something incredibly hard for me to do. That’s how I know I’ve found one of my life lessons for Earth School. But if I’m serious about getting through class and graduating, I must surrender to the process.

If you’re someone who finds themselves repeating things over and over, or if a certain level is taking an extremely long time to get through, I invite you to slow down. Take a step back and strip your “wants” from the equation. Look with ALL your eyes and scan for what you’re missing in that particular lesson. Surrender the need to have control and really be open to SEEING. Then ask yourself, did you really absorb the lesson or are you rushing through to avoid feeling the experience?

It’ll be interesting what you find.

Always love,

T