Normally, I wait until a download hits to write a blog post. I find that the message I channel is 10x more potent than if I sit staring at a computer screen worrying about how every sentence sounds. I did however just have an amazing trip to Greece that I have been dying to share with you all. So, I’ve been impatiently awaiting said download. Then I realized: I have a ton of journal entries full of downloads written while I was in Greece in the thick of it all. Why wouldn’t I use that?

And away we go!

Back in April I was scrolling through Instagram and came up to a post advertising a Goddess Untethered Retreat in Pelion, Greece. Lola Manekin would be holding space for about 15-20 women on a transformative retreat in an amazing setting designed to have you go deep within and find your inner goddess. Now, before I go any further, I’m going to shout out Lola for the master teacher, amazing healer, and badass queen that she is. She’s truly devoted to her craft, healing and 100% authentic in what she does and who she is. It’s so inspiring and I’m going to continue working with her post Greece. If you have social media, go look her up and follow her – she’s on facebook and IG under her name.

I still can’t figure out where I got the courage to reach out and ask her about this trip. I’ve never traveled by myself before, let alone overseas to a foreign country. Throw in the fact that I would not know a single person who would be there, and I had a recipe for severe anxiety. But I did it. I paid for the trip in full when I booked, and I marked it down on my calendar and started to do what I realized was prep work for what was to come in Greece. I take my spiritual work and journey very seriously. If I was going to make the most out of this trip, I wanted to make sure I was as open as possible to what would be coming my way.  As I read through my journal entries for the time away, I realized that I had made the leap right when I got on that plane and no amount of prep work could have had me ready for it anyway. I believed in myself so much, had trusted this would be a life-changing trip so I went into this with my full heart. That alone is a game changer for me. It also helps that when I landed in Greece, I met a beautiful soul, Jennifer, and it felt like we had been friends for a long time instead of just meeting each other. (Jen, we had to have known each other in a past life for sure) It made me feel so at peace with my decision to be there. She eased my anxiety without even realizing it.

Part of a journal entry from the first session on day 1 of the retreat: “I have wanted to be seen my whole life – but I have spent my existence hiding. I have been scared to show up as me. Yet here I am. In GREECE. Alone. On this journey doing the work and looking fear in the eye. I can do this. No, I AM doing this. I’ve BEEN doing it. AND I FUCKING LOVE WHO I AM SO MUCH.”

Now, that’s not to say the work was easy. It was actually hard most times. There was a moment when I didn’t want to show up. The days before, I had pushed through my comfort zone and my ego was starting to creep back in. Thoughts of “You danced so out of step and everyone was so on point, you don’t belong here” … “I can’t believe you said that in circle yesterday, these women must think you’re crazy” … “I can’t do this; I don’t know why I put myself so far out there.” I pushed though and had an amazing day but stayed back instead of going to the evening session to have some time to myself. During that time, I had one of the most eye-opening shadow journal entries I’ve written in a long time. I’m going to share with you all part of what I wrote that night here: “I think I am finally ready. Ready for what? To leave it all behind. Today Lola said: the stories that no longer serve us are too small for us. Where can we find the bigger story that fits? Well, this limited version of myself that I keep holding onto is too small. The fear. The doubt. Being afraid to take up space. I can do anything that I want to do. Yes, it might be scary, but that doesn’t mean my anxiety needs to control me. How long do I want to continue with my bullshit? How long do I want to continue living in a box that’s too small for me? I BELONG. I CAN TAKE UP SPACE. I am no longer that scared little girl in a dark room, locked away. I have opened her cell door, and she is now FREE.”

Once that shift took place, so many beautiful things began to happen. I did a breathwork journey that showed me new parts of myself and had me surrounded by female ancestors that made me cry tears of joy. I was a part of a beautiful goddess initiation ceremony where we said how we felt with our eyes and danced with our hands in a circle. I faced my anxiety head on in an intense somatic practice and witnessed others facing their fears as well.  I had a beautiful cleansing in the Aegean Ocean with Lola that I will carry with me in my heart for the rest of my life. I also shared my tarot talent and got to experience others awe in watching me be the channel that I am. I also had countless conversations with each woman there with me where I gained more knowledge and perspective than I ever thought possible. Sisters, each one of them, from all over, that I now carry with me each day.

Then on the last day of the trip, I spent the day in Athens with another special human. Noa, another master teacher and retreat participant, healed me without ever touching me with her hands. She held space, understood and saw me, and while she may seem like she has a tough exterior, she has a heart of pure gold and love that should be shared with everyone. (Yup, secret is out, I told everyone) There’s a friendship that was started there that I’m so looking forward to growing.

That’s just a glimpse of those 9 days.

The shift that took place on this trip was massive. I’m still integrating lessons and taking my time doing so. In one of the last circles Lola held, I told the women sitting with me: “I always say, I am living the dream. Anyone who knows me knows that’s how I answer when I’m asked how I’m doing. Well, it occurred to me the other night while journaling, that I actually AM living my dream. I’m sitting in Greece, with amazing women around me, doing the work and showing up as me.”

So, I want to thank all of the women who were on the trip of a lifetime with me: Betsy H, Bianca, Jen, Mel, Margot, Dani, Kellie, Ray, Claire, Kimberly, Sunny, Noa, Becca, Betsy G. Mariska and our amazing teacher Lola. Thank you for holding the space, showing up as yourselves and for being a part of something so special with me. I am truly humbled and grateful to have had the chance to get to know each of you.

And to you dear reader, I recommend retreats to anyone and everyone. It’s such a cool way to meet people that share your energy and vibe. They have retreats for just about anything, so don’t be afraid to look one up and book it.

Oh, and Greece, you absolutely MUST go to Greece 😉

Always love,

T