Did anyone else feel like January lasted FOR-E-VER?? Because, whoa. I don’t know that I’ve ever been so happy to be in February before.

So many changes: I turn 40 in a week. I remember January and February being snow filled and cold here in NYC, and that definitely doesn’t happen anymore (I hope I didn’t just jynx us). New Year’s doesn’t feel like it happens on January 1^st for me anymore. I decided yesterday that from now on the new year happens on March 21^st when we walk into Aries season. (For those of you who don’t know, that’s when the astrological year resets). So many changes, yet everything feels the same. If you ask me, January feels like one big hangover from December. There’s just too much packed into the prior month, and I feel like there isn’t enough time to rest afterwards. Have you ever thought about it? We go from celebrations and running around like chickens with our heads cut off to “new year, new me.” With no time to even think about what that “new me” looks, feels or sounds like.

No wonder my head feels like it’s been in a fog.

I have been in this perpetual state of “I should be doing something” for the last few weeks now. Anxiety has been driving me crazy and I couldn’t figure out why. After sharing with some family and friends, and then a good journal session, I finally figured it out. I shouldn’t be doing anything right now. Even as I sit here and type this, saying that feels wrong. I’m someone who feels like I’m supposed to be constantly on the move – planning & working towards the next goal. You can imagine how incredibly frustrated I have felt these last few weeks with lack of inspiration. It’s why I haven’t written here in about a month and a half. I won’t just write for the sake of, yet I feel like if I don’t put something out, I’m failing at keeping up.

But keeping up with who? You, the reader? Myself? Other writers? When did this become some sort of job instead of my passion for words and stories?

So yea, I’ve needed to slow down… and have found I have absolutely no idea how to do that. It’s come with a definite learning curve and triggered my anxiety in ways I couldn’t understand. I think that’s the lesson here.

Now, follow along with me for a second. If you’re someone who knows me or reads this blog often, you’ll know I talk about cycles. When I see myself repeating a cycle, there is a big part of me that feels like I’m failing. Failing at what, I couldn’t even tell you. Life? The Lesson? Ascending? If I had to say, it would be all of the above. Even though I’m a space holder & healer, and I know differently, somewhere along the line repeating starting to equal failing.

Repeating is about refining though. When we shed pieces of ourselves, or learn new habits, it takes time and repetition to make new habits. So, what I had to understand over these last few weeks is, I’m not failing at anything. That’s just the story I have been telling myself. On the contrary, I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. Sitting with me and taking time to rest after what was a very eventful 2023 so I can integrate more of what I’ve learned. Only then I can begin the process of refinement and moving forward again.

January & February are meant to be rest months. A friend of mine reminded me not that long ago that Winter is not for doing. It’s about taking time for yourself to rest after a long year. Even nature hibernates during those months – you don’t see trees or flowers blooming, right? We need the time to just be so we can be ready when the Spring comes. When I think about it, it makes perfect sense that I’m having these realizations and writing this on Imbolc.  

Now, I’m hoping that since I’ve had this realization, I’ll be able to really relax for the next few weeks. Allow my mind the space to wonder and ponder the new seeds I want to plant for the coming year. Accept that it’s okay to do nothing right now and that I’m not behind or losing time by doing so.

Wish me luck. I’ll need it.

Always love,

T