Eclipse season. It’s always seemed a bit artificial to me. I’m someone who is deeply spiritual and follows astrology. I guess I just haven’t experienced an eclipse season where I “get” what everyone means: the being flipped upside down, turned inside out making you want to crawl in a hole and hide at what’s being brought to your attention feeling. I’ve come to the conclusion that it was because I had not dug deep enough into myself yet, so it was easy for me to shrug off heavy energies before. Now? Holy hell… this eclipse season has hit me like a ton of bricks. There’s also more going on too: Mercury Retrograde, Aries season and the start of the astrological new year, Spring. It feels like a perfect storm to force one to meet themselves, purge any old and residual energy that needs to go and start fresh.

Anyone else feel that way? Like you’re a ball of goo inside a cocoon, afraid to transform because you’ve gotten comfortable where you are? However, you’ve failed to realize the home is falling apart because it wasn’t built to hold a different, bigger version of you. Now the ceiling is caving in, the windows are blown out and you’re being evicted against your wishes.

I get this is not all a bad thing. That the proverbial said light is at the end of the tunnel and once this is over, we will be able to experience a lighter and brighter version of ourselves. I’ve done this before. That, however, does not make the process any easier, right? This morning, while I was writing in my journal, I started naming out the fears that are plaguing me this time around. Then I had this thought – while naming the fears is a part of the process, what is it behind the fear that I am so afraid of? Being a better version of myself? Being happy? Living a life that is truly based on MY needs and not anyone else’s? Why would those be bad things? Is it because I have never experienced them before, so my body doesn’t know how to respond to it? Maybe it’s my nervous system still in a fight or flight mode because it’s been about 35 years garbage retention and I’m still learning how to respond to calm, peace and boundaries.  The excavation continued from there.

I think that’s what fear is designed to do: scare us so bad that we forget to peek around it to see the other side. The fear starts as a whisper, telling us we’re not good enough, we’re lazy, we’re weak and then we unconsciously start to feed it until it builds into this scream where we want to cover our ears and hide somewhere so we don’t have to face it. It reminds me of The Wizard of Oz. When you pull back the curtain, that fear is just a small thing (usually a neglected part of us) that wants some attention and love. Sometimes it’s new parts of me I haven’t met yet and sometimes it’s the parts I thought I already dealt with, coming back for me to take another look. Usually when it’s something I’ve looked at before, I spend time fighting my ego first because I feel like I should be “over” a particular topic or trauma and I get annoyed with myself that I’m not. I’m also discovering that the more I choose to ascend, the deeper I go down the rabbit hole. I feel, purge and experience things on a different level and that in itself can be scary sometimes. If ascension requires the letting go of things that no longer fit in your life, what am I being shown to let go of this time around? If it’s a “who” am I prepared to let that person go? That’s why fear is able to play such a large role… its very design is to keep us hidden or in the same spot so that we won’t move.

More and more of us are starting to awaken. Instead of hiding, we’re pulling back the curtain, curious about what’s really going on back there.  I’m of the opinion that as that happens, the collective energy is going to get stronger for us that are already tapped in; another reason these astrological events are starting to have a bigger effect on me. Grounding and somatic exercises are paramount to keep us grounded so we don’t fly away on the tornado, else we find ourselves on a yellow brick road trying to find our way back home. Sticking to any practice is hard for me. I have to remind myself that even if it’s only 5 minutes every morning, it does make a difference: breathing, writing in a journal, sitting in front of my altar and praying. Even when I don’t feel like it. ESPECIALLY when I don’t feel like it. In a world where I can control only so much, I can control myself and my practice and fight to keep my feet on the ground.

There’s no place like home.

Always Love,

T

P.S. If you’re not sure where to begin, reach out to me. If I’m not the right fit, I have a directory of amazing people who can help.