I turn 39 on the 7^th. This is my last year in my 30’s! It’s so crazy to me because I never really consider my age. To me, you are how you feel, not your actual number. I still dye my hair crazy colors (currently pink and purple) I pierced my nose 2 years ago and I’m still getting tattoos. I’ll always be young. I figured what better way to celebrate turning 39 than to release a blog with 39 things I have learned over the years? So below I’m going to give you some gold nuggets I have picked up along the way:

1. You are never the exception to anyone’s rule. This was a tough one I learned a few times. It doesn’t matter how much you love someone or think they love you – how they treat others is how they will treat you.
2. Accept people for who they are and not their potential. It will save you a lot of wasted time and energy if you can just accept people for who they are instead of trying to change them into what you think they can be.
3. People have to want to change on their own. No matter how good our intentions are for someone, they will not change for you or anyone else. They will only change if and when they are ready to.
4. Self-accountability is the only way you’ll grow. If you’re not willing to look within and see how you are the cause and effect in your own life, you’ll stay in the same spot. Forever.
5. Shadow work is really fucking hard. No really. Like, really hard. It requires the self-accountability mentioned in #4 – and if you can’t get out of your own way, shadow work is pointless.
6. Vulnerability is beautiful and a superpower. Fuck that never wanting to cry or show emotion nonsense. I wish someone would have taught me earlier it’s okay to be soft. Even when other people are hard.
7. This too shall pass. It really will. It may not pass as fast as you want it to, or how you want it to, but nothing lasts forever. Just hang in there and you’ll get where you need to go.
8. The people around you affect you more than you think. Your vibe attracts your tribe. No joke. If you’re surrounded by people who tell you that you can’t do something, you’ll believe you can’tdo it. Family. Friends. Lovers. Coworkers. Choose your circle wisely.
9. You are allowed to change.In fact, you should change. Often. It’s how you grow out of the things that no longer serve you and into the things that do. It’s not a change up if you want better for yourself. If you want different, you have to act different.
10. Healing is a lifetime journey. You will revisit things you thought you had gotten over just to peel back a further layer and heal some more. This doesn’t mean you are going backwards, so don’t get discouraged. It just means you’re getting deeper into yourself.
11. You are good enough right now, just the way you are.Stop doubting yourself and just get started on whatever it is you want to create. If you build it, your people will come.
12. Outside validation isn’t as good as internal validation. People pleasers hear me on this. No amount of praise you get from anyone else is better than feeling in your own power. Once you realize this, you won’t even look for the external validation anymore.
13. It’s important to really love yourself. I mean real love. Like look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself how much you love you. It’ll make being alone feel peaceful instead of lonely.
14. Be selfish with your time. Time is literally something we can never get back. Stop saying yes when you really want to say no. Do the things that light you up instead of being in places to make other people happy.
15. Stop worrying about tomorrow. Every single day is a gift. It’s so hard to stay in the present when you’re constantly worrying about what tomorrow is going to bring. Just focus on today. Tomorrow will be here soon enough.
16. Having goals helps keep you on track and consistent.Do a vision board. Put everything you want to accomplish in a year on it and put it in a spot where you can see it every day. You’ll be surprised by how much you get accomplished.
17. Affirmations really work.  Tell yourself you’re amazing every single morning and see if you don’t believe it after a month or two. You should have 3-5 affirmations yousay every morning before you do anything else.  
18. Love is always the answer. I know this sounds cheesy and can be super hard sometimes. But love is what’s missing in so much of this world. If we would respond with kindness instead of anger, so many things would be different
19. The energy you put out is what you get back. As much as we don’t like to admit it, when we’re being jerks, we get shitty energy back. It’s not the universe doing it to you, it’s you doing it to yourself. Fix your attitude and watch your world shift.
20. Don’t assume anything.You know nothing, Jon Snow. Your ego lies to you most of the time. Instead of assuming what you think is going on, ask directly. Most of the time it’s not at all what you think it is anway.
21. Stop anticipating what could happen. Similar to #20 – our ego steps in and starts to drive these worst-case scenarios in our heads. The more you feed into this, the more you’re telling the universe you want these things to happen. Focus on the BEST case scenarios instead.
22. The universe gives you what you need, when you need it. That includes people, places and things. Sometimes it involves heart break and sometimes it involves joy, but there is always a reason and lesson behind it if you’re willing to look for it.
23. Being stubborn and hardheaded will only create obstacles on your journey. You are not always right. Even though you want to be. Be open to learning and different perspectives – it’s paramount to your growth.  
24. You are not your past. And don’t ever let someone hold it against you. The past is done and over with – how you move forward is what really matters.
25. How someone reacts is a reflection of them, not you. It’s hard, but don’t take people so personally. We’re all dealing with our own version of trauma and trying to figure things out. Don’t internalize someone’s reaction, understand it’s their trigger and not yours.
26. Your best is good enough. If you wait for the perfect time, you’ll likely never find it. We’re our own worst critics. Fuck fear. Go do it.
27. Fear is our biggest teacher. Fear shows us where some of our biggest wounds need healing. If you’re willing to be courageous, you can shut fear down and face those shadows to finally put them to bed for good.
28. Take up space. You are entitled to your feelings. They matter. Don’t be afraid to speak what’s on your mind, ever. Even when it’s not the popular opinion.
29. Holding in your feelings will make you physically sick.You think you’re keeping the peace by not saying how you really feel – but what you’re doing is holding yourself in. Do that long enough and you’ll be bitter, resentful and start to get physically ill. Headaches, stomach issues, things will continue to spiral from there.
30. Learn to be a good listener. Most times we’re not listening to understand, we’re listening to respond. That makes for shitty conversation and confrontation. Do you want to be right or understood?
31. Anything really worth having takes hard work. It’s not going to magically appear and you’re not going to be handed anything. Be prepared to really work hard for your dreams if you want them to come to fruition.
32. You’re not being rejected, you’re being redirected.Rejection is hard. It tends to make us look inward and think we did something wrong. Most times we’re just being redirected to something more aligned with us.
33. Patience really is a virtue. And I’m still working on it myself. Go slow. It’s not a race. Our society teaches us that we’re supposed to be able to multitask and get things done in the fastest way possible. You can’t truly appreciate something if you’re already focused on the next thing.
34. Stop doubting your inner knowing. You already know. How many times do we deny our intuition because we hope or want for things to be different? Accept things for what you know them to be and not what you want them to be. Trust your inner compass.
35. Grounding is super important.You don’t have to meditate or be spiritual to know when you’re outside and in nature, you feel better. That’s you getting grounded back into yourself. Away from noise. Do that as much as you can. It’ll be easier to keep your feet on the ground.
36. Stop repeating cycles and expecting them to turn out differently.The universe will literally send you the same pattern through different people and experiences until you master the lesson. Old ways won’t open new doors. Check yourself.
37. Don’t make decisions when your emotional. Give yourself 24 hours. Sleep on it. If you make a decision in the heat of the moment, you’re most likely going to regret it later. Ground and then decide what to do.
38. Sometimes what we want, is not what we actually need. As a matter of fact, sometimes what we want is not even good for us. Forcing things will usually have you fucking around and finding out. Know when to leave things alone.
39. Be yourself. Your authenticity is beautiful. You’re not supposed to be like everyone else. So be weird, be different, be YOU.  Don’t be afraid to shine bright just the way you are.

Here’s to another year of learning, growing and shining bright like a diamond.

Always love,

T